Reclaiming Your Body….As a Grown Ass Woman

Disclaimer: todays blog talks about the ridiculous amount of pressure our society puts on women’s bodies and our sexual worth.  This has been on my mind a lot lately and I’m wondering if any of my friends and clients have been thinking this too.

As a girl growing up, you’re told what to cover and by how much.

• Maybe you were told, shorts must be as long as your fingertips! No bra straps showing!

• Or maybe you grew up more conservative and you weee told: shorts to your knees! No short sleeves!

Then we got our periods and we started getting even more messages:

• Don’t talk about your period

• Don’t let your period interfere with anything

• Definitely don’t complain, you’re a beautiful flower, not a swollen, hormonal kid fumbling with a pad, trying not to bleed on your clothes in gym class

Yuck. Gym class memories. Sorry about that.

Then we get countless mixed messages as a young adult:

• Save yourself for marriage!

• Or maybe you got this message: keep count of how many partners you have, you don’t want a high number!

• Not married yet? Maybe you need to lose some weight, you’re so pretty though…

When you do get married, make your partner happy:

• Enjoy sex but not too much

• Don’t be too kinky but don’t be a prude either

• When are you having kids?

Then maybe you had kids and then your body wasn’t even yours for a long time:

• Health choices are severely limited because of the baby: in pain? Too bad, there are no safe choices when you’re pregnant, deal with it

• Sinus congestion, peeing your pants? These are normal pregnancy issues, no treatment, just deal with it, you signed up for this remember?

Maybe you were like me, and you had fertility issues or miscarried, and maybe you received these awful messages, because I know I did:

• Your body failed you

• God wouldn’t let that happen to you if you did/didn’t do (fill in the blanks here)

• Just try again!

• The most frustrating to me was: Don’t talk about it you might upset someone…like I’m totally not upset?!

• And other awful unsolicited advice

And if you had successful pregnancies, you probably received these messages about your body:

• Make sure you bounce back or your husband might leave

• Hurry up and have sex in the 20 minutes that your baby sleeps because your husband needs to be happy or he might leave you

• You don’t need to sleep - you’re our hero!

• Breastfeed because that’s healthy

• But eeew that’s gross! Don’t breastfeed in front of anybody, why don’t you use a bottle like a normal mom?

• It’s been 6 weeks, go back to work

• Enjoy peeing when you laugh for the rest of your life

• What do you mean you’re not sleeping through the night yet?

• Post partum depression? What could you possibly be depressed about?

• Wow you still look pregnant

• When are you getting your mommy makeover?

• Or my favorite: “I didn’t need a c-section, I gave birth normally” wow thanks for that judgement

Then we move into the time of our lives where we put into 2 diabolical categories, completely against our will. Have you found out which one you are yet?

Are you a MILF or do you have a mom-bod?

And here we are, grown ass adults with children of our own and yet somehow our bodies are still being defined by someone or something completely outside of ourselves.

Looking ahead in my life, I frequently see these expressions about women’s bodies:

• 50 is the new 40

• Anti-aging

• A woman never reveals her age

• Age gracefully

• Because of course you don’t want to be the stereotypical old hag or witch, do you?

When will it stop?

I don’t think this judgement, this ownership of women’s bodies, is going to stop unless we set our boundaries and stop it ourselves.

So how do we take our bodies back? Should we burn our bras? Refuse to do any housework? Let everyone in our house fend for themselves?

Ok won’t lie, those all sound tempting in one way or another.

I’m not here to change the world. I am here to change my world and set my kids up for a healthier future.

So those don’t sound like the best choices.

I decided to start with the first area I mentioned above:

I refuse to have shame about my body or its normal, natural functions.

My kids will know reproductive anatomy, they will understand that periods are natural, the body is not gross and that sex is normal.

My kids are too young for too many details but we are definitely on our way.

And what else is my personal mission?

• Helping women reconnect with their bodies in a safe environment

• Teaching about the pelvic floor..without shame

• Helping women to stop peeing their pants and maybe even improve their sex life

• Reminding us of who we are under all the hats we wear (mom, wife, caregiver, colleague, etc)

✨✨You are already perfect. ✨You don’t have to do or be anything to be enough for anyone.✨

It’s about being yourself: holistically, and radically

And loving all of yourself, without shame or judgement

For me, it starts with teaching myself that there is no shame in being a woman. I don’t need to hide myself or my needs. I am just as worthy as any man. Society can take all those messages above (and whatever messages you’ve received so far in your own life) and shove it. Because this is my life and I’m defining it for myself,

not society.

Are you joining my revolution? I’m bringing this, and so much more, to my unique brand of fitness classes. On demand videos coming soon too!

Pilates for Better Sex

Witches and Vamps: Chair Dance

Coming soon: Pilates for better sex home workout videos

Kelly Bus is a registered nurse, belly dancer  and fitness instructor. With over 20 years experience, Kelly prides herself on her ability to create a unique and personalized experience for all. Kelly specializes in belly dance and sensual dance fitness.