Shame and the Female Body

The first medical term for female genitalia is “pudenum” meaning “to be ashamed”

These men assumed that since female genitalia was hidden, it must be shameful.

I don’t think female genitalia is particularly hidden, but then again, there are men who say they can’t find a clitoris, so perhaps this is a valid perspective? I’d love to know your thoughts on this, but first, let’s discuss how deeply ingrained shame is in our sexual culture.

Does shame show up for you anywhere in your sexual life or identity?

Was shame a part of your cultural learning?

I’d like to encourage you to take a few moments to think about how you feel about your body, how you felt about it growing up and maybe how it’s changed over your life. Our bodies change and those changes can bring extra layers of feelings over time that we might not recognize.

I’ve read that most of us struggle with the shame or grief associated with our changing bodies.

Our skin sags, we lose collagen, our hair can gray or thin. Our breasts relax, signs of aging remind us that we aren’t young anymore. C-section scars may make us insecure. The list of concerns varies by person and life experience.

Our bodies are wonderful. They support us every day, even when we don’t drink enough water or get enough sleep. Even when we don’t talk to ourselves very kindly. I would even argue that our bodies sometimes love us more than we love them.

Going back to the ugly term pudenum, do we have any real reason to be ashamed of our bodies?

I don’t think so.

Every body is so different. My new favorite author Emily Nagoski reminds us that we are all made of the same parts, just organized differently. Your body may look or feel differently than what you see on tv or online, or compared to 20 years ago…but that doesn’t mean your body isn’t perfect.

✨You are already perfect just the way you are. ✨

My message is this: love yourself just the way you are. Love yourself and give yourself credit for everything you do. If you’ve been hard on yourself before, forgive yourself for that time, and know you did the best you could with what you had at the time.

Here’s the homework for extra credit:

Notice the words you use to describe yourself and your body. Look for themes. If you find yourself exploring an area of shame, don’t judge yourself for it. Sit with those feelings and ask yourself where those thoughts or beliefs came from. Do you really believe it? Was that ever really true for you? Did you take on these feelings from someone else? More importantly, what do you want to be true for you now?

Now feel those desired feelings and know that you are in control of your life and what you tell yourself now.

✨We can’t go back, but we can move forward differently, with love and pride, which is the opposite of shame.✨

When you live by example and show other women that you love yourself, you make it easier for them to love themselves too!

Recommended reading: come as you are by Emily Nagoski: https://amzn.to/3Rpv3Xq

This is an affiliate link, I highly recommend this book!